#WinterABC2020: It’s Wrap!

It has really been a challenge. A fun one I must say. I’m glad I gritted it out. I have been inspired by all the bloggers I met during this challenge. Thank you afrobloggers this, you are awesome!

And to all my new blogger friends, its been an honor meeting you.

“I’ll be back”!

#WinterABC2020: My Top 5 Songs

Here are top 5 songs:

1. My Light House – Rend Collective

I love these guys! Their music is so uplifting. This song has been an anchor for me through tough times. I like the sound and the fact that it speaks volumes about my relationship with Jesus.

2. No Turning Back- For King and Country

Another one of my favorite bands. I like this song because it encourages me to keep working on for my relationship with God and that turning back is not option. My life is so much better with God in it.

3. Imbaula- Abel Chungu

One of my favorite local artists. I like this particular song because of its sound. This song fills me with hope and warmth.

4. Giant Killer- Pompi

Another one of my favorite local artist. I like this song because it reminds of great family times. My cousin heard this song for the first time during a road trip and she made us listen to it on a 5- hour long journey(no kidding).

5. Moyo Siongula – Lily T

I believe she was one of the most inspiring female local artist, rest her soul. I like this song because she is urging young people to keep safe and not take life for granted.

Happy reading!

#WinterABC2020: A Very Short Story

Yesterday wasn’t any different because like most movie nights, I had won the bet again. And my loving husband knew what that meant very well. We were re-watching of one of my favorite kung fu movies, “Fighting Over Rice”. This was the second time for him and well…let’s just say I knew most the lines in the movie.

I have such an amazing ability to re-watch certain movies over and over again , with a sense of purpose too. Jim was determined not to lose to me again. Sleeping or dozing during the movie was going to cost him big time , 2 months of kung fu movie nights.

To show his determination, Jim had brewed some coffee and settled comfortably next to me on the couch. I was so sure I would lose this time. Thirty minutes into the movie, his head was drooping. By the time he woke up, I was dying with suppressed laughter and playing savior to his unfinished brew.

Happy reading!

#WinterABC2020: I Like Being a “Yufi”.

I like being a “yufi” (youth) in Zambia, today. There is quite a lot going on in my country right now. And not just the pandemic. There is a heaviness around current affairs in right now. One could choose apathy overall, but not when issues directly affect you.

About a couple of days ago, a small group of youths in my country protested against the injustices and failure by the Government to attend the country’s needs. They had failed to get permission to carry out this protest (*ahem), but that didn’t stop them. Read the story here http://Zambian Youth Outsmart POLICE. Maybe this is the beginning of more heists?

I may not have been there and probably wouldn’t have had the guts to be part of the protest, but I am proud of their courage. Things will only change if something is done. I am proud to be a “yufi”.

“Don’t let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth – don’t let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency’.

-Aesop

Happy reading!

#WinterABC2020: I Know of Grief, Loss and Healing

I have known grief, loss and healing at different stages of my life. Today, I write about all this in relation to the Covid 19 pandemic.

No, I haven’t lost a loved one to Covid 19, thank God. But I have grieved and I am still grieving some losses because of it. The past couple of months after Covid 19 was declared a pandemic, have been uncanny times.

I experienced some challenges in how life changed. The pandemic robbed me of social connectivity, physical mobility and disrupted my daily routine . Not forgetting that my source of livelihood seemed to be on the line.

Each of these of losses were valid and important for me to acknowledge. I have had to grieve my losses. It has helped me to find meaning and hope during unsettling times.

I did or rather still do the following:

I tap into my social networks (friends and family). Using the new forms of connection , I talk about my fears and what is going on. And guess what? I find that I am not the only one grieving, we all are. And navigating this together, has helped lighten the load.

I also journal. I wrote and still write my feelings down. It helps to put things in perspective. My writing is not limited to a diary or journal. I use social media too(rarely though). “What a comfort is this journal. I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved.” —Anne Lister

Self care is important to me. Even as I take time to reorient my self during the new “normal” , I still do most things I like. I read, watch movies, go on hikes and bike rides.

I have learnt to deliberately not fret about the things I have no control about. Its not easy but its work in progress. Some days are better than others when it comes to loss and grief. Healing is really being able to find meaning during unsettling times.

Happy reading.

#WinterABC2020: Parenting

“Done properly, Parenting is a heroic act. Done Properly….I am fortunate that it has never afflicted me.”

-Edna Mode, the Incredible 2. (I loved it!)

There is nothing like parenthood. Oh, wait! I wouldn’t know because I am not a parent. Yet, this topic is close to my heart. And as a therapist working closely with children and adolescents, for a few years now, I should know a teeny-weeny something about parenting, right?

Google pic

While parenthood is a great calling , its not an easy one. And like most things in life, it requires a LOT of hard work. I know the kind of parent I am going to be. I am going to be a parent that will try to fail rather than not try at all.

If you are a millennial and a parent in 2020, you have to admit a lot has changed. You just need to let your kids hang out with great grandparents and grandparents for a while to understand how great this change is. All I am saying is that, parenting CANNOT be left to chance! Two things I usually share with parents I work with:

1. Learn. Just like you study for a job interview or for school, learn as much as you can to be the best parent you can be. Never stop learning. Remember, your child will be a teenager and then an adult someday. And you will still be a parent.

2. Be present. Being able to provide for your children is great. But don’t neglect their emotional needs. The damage that stems from emotional neglect is usually hard to mend.

There is wealth of knowledge out there for our generation. We may not get everything right, but we can do better. I read and research a lot for work and here are a few books I find helpful:

  • Strong-Willed Child, Dr James Dobson
  • Dare to Discipline, Dr James Dobson
  • Boundaries With Kids, Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Boundaries With Teens, Dr John Townsend
  • 5 Love languages of Children, Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
  • Peers Without Pressure, P.M Mukolwe

“Children are NOT a distraction from more important work. They are THE MOST important work”.

-C.S. Lewis

Happy reading!

#WinterABC2020: Beauty and the Beads

I just got the phone with my maternal aunt concerning this topic. I must say this conversation was almost like getting blood from a stone, no kidding! But I gritted it out.

Google photo

The culture of wearing beads around the waist by women has been around for a long time in most African countries. It is believed the practice originated from West Africa, particularly Nigeria.

Anyway, wearing beads around the waist is also part of Zambia’s culture. Some believe this practice is long gone but (hush), its still at large. So, in my aunt’s words beads were worn for reasons below:

  • Putting beads around the waist of the female child was and is believed to ensure that they have a defined body structure. If that’s all it takes to get a certain bodyshape, then why not?
  • Beads were also worn to enhance a woman’s confidence and femininity. And most importantly, make the woman feel more appealing to the opposite sex.
  • Finally, beads were also used to communicate in a marriage. Wives hang the beads in plain sight to communicate to their husbands that they were menstruating. Holding off any sexual relations until she was done.

I think beads are accessory unique to who we are as Africans. I am not sure I will ever wear some around the waist but definitely fancy the beaded anklets, necklaces and bracelets. My culture is rich.

Happy reading!

#WinterABC2020: How Do You Do, President Kagame.

I will keep this very short. I would like to meet President Paul Kagame of Rwanda. Simply because he is so well put together .

Google photo: Paul Kagame

I mean, forget the fact he is believed to have a dominant personality which he uses to enforce his rule and ensure his country’s success. Well, it could only take one with grit like his to get Rwanda to what it is now.

It is irrefutable that Kagame played an important role in ending the genocide. Rwanda’s story of the genocide is nothing short of terrifying ,but its a story that we should know of. Philipgourevitch in ” WE WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT TOMORROW WE WILL BE KILLED WITH OUR FAMILIES” gives a sober account of it. And yes, I am a bookworm (hope to blog about it someday).

I would pick his brain on patriotism, resilience and forgiveness. And definitely, who inspires his style of dressing.

Happy reading!